And the big one: Cancel Christmas. What? Think about it.

As I said, the greatest gift is life, so preserve it. Lengthen it. Sign up your kids and parents to save the world instead of heading to Kmart to stand in a dreadful queue.

Christmas is killing us. Mad consumerism, rubbish by the planet load and dirty air travel that dumps pollution on us like no other industry.

So no presents. No holidays. Just stay home and plan the future. One car, not two. Two children not four. Population control is the unspoken answer.

And speaking of Christmas getting the boot, imagine the trucks that won't be needed as a result. Sorry drivers. Ummmm, upskill please.

Sure, under the harshest of prescriptions, jobs are lost but human beings will have to adapt. Just call it the price we pay for saving the generations to come.

See the 1980s for how not to do this. Anyway let's carry on the economic reduction exercise because our emissions continue to climb and we need a reversal.

Fonterra must reduce cow numbers. No mass slaughter, but that could be considered if necessary. Let's put a moratorium on bringing cars into the country, let's return to carless days, pick a day, why not? Why bring more cars in to NZ, it is killing us slowly.

It's time to heavily punish dirty industries and reward those investing in clean technologies. Give me tax breaks for innovation and reducing my carbon footprint, and tax me for being a polluter. 

We can judge these things, test these things; every Kiwi must be monitored as to their environmental behaviour. Then send them their invoice every month.

Most will pay a heavy price initially, but watch that change once a price is put on their life. It might be that you soon are in credit and you may own a few acres of forest as an offset. 

Sure, we can save the world but we need to do more than comment on it. We need to act.

How does that look? It's brutal. It's people's jobs, holidays, it's life as we know it. So start by limiting air travel to, say, four flights a year,  like annual leave. Go and apply at Air NZ who, while sad to have laid off 1000 workers, says kia ora to the kaupapa of Greta who took a ship to New York. 

Imagine if all other leaders did the same? This would sure slow the economy to a snail's view of the world.

But why, if this is so damn urgent, are our leaders flying in the dirtiest form of transport ever? Skype it.

Instead they're asleep in business class cabins, dribbling from the mouth as the young foam through their teeth on a public march, having just realised their childhood's  been stolen, for which many will never forgive them.

I just asked my flatmate what he's doing for climate change. He plans on upgrading his car to a diesel 4WD, which is doing nothing for the planet. I suggested he buy an electric car, he laughed me out of his room but not before stating: "What, Greta is going to make me, is she?"

And that's the point. We're all over the show. We're either angry or not angry enough. We're either making little changes or making no changes at all. We're either calling for action strongly or criticising those who do.

We're meeting Donald Trump but not wanting to upset him over climate change, so we kind of brush it aside. Smart or wimpy? You decide. Probably smart for now, but wimpy when the tidal waves arrive.

But here's the one that gets me. Is this a real emergency, right here right now? If we accept it is, then, like the many councils around NZ, why didn't Jacinda Ardern announce a climate emergency for NZ at the UN?

There is no greater platform and there is no greater issue apparently, so why was she announcing a minor climate-friendly trade pact with Timbuktu​ and others instead? 

Prime minister, what is it? A climate emergency or, like your speech said, merely a long-term issue? This could have been the New Zealand Call. Please tell us.