OPINION: In movies, the gay character always sit down their mum, dad and a few of their closest friends on the family couch in the last act and says, "I have something to tell you." Everyone cries.
When the big moment's over, our hero is relieved. There's some kind of montage of them living a more fulfilled happy, gay life to the backing track of a white pop singer with bangs. Roll credits.
But the idea that coming out of the closet is a big, tearful, one-time thing is really just a misconception.
Coming out for the first time is different for everybody. It might look something like Love, Simon, it might not. But the reality is, that's only the first time. Gay people never stop coming out.
It becomes an ordinary, expected, and sometimes exasperating part of life.
I come out every time I change GPs, and the doctor is stumped at how I could possibly be having sex without contraception and zero fear of pregnancy.
I come out to new colleagues at work, to people I meet at parties, and even passerbys who I may never see again. I came out to my physio, who asked three weeks in a row what time my boyfriend would pick me up.
"It's not that interesting really, is it? It's my private business," said The AM Show fill-in host Ryan Bridge after Mark Richardson accidentally outed him with a poor bit of banter on Thursday.
What stood out to me in Bridge's response was that he, "hasn't tried to hide," his sexuality. All of Bridge's friends and family know he's gay, but "It's not something [he's] really bothered to share," in his work life.
'Not bothered' is the key sentiment. Coming out is tiring because it almost always involves an element of explanation.
While babysitting my cousin's kids and their friends, a 9-year-old persistently asked me why I didn't have boyfriend. Not knowing her parents, I shrugged and told the kid I didn't know.
Ditto, each time my 94-year-old nana with dementia hopefully inquires about my love life.
Sometimes, it's not worth the effort.
As humans, we are constantly aware of how the people around us are reacting to and perceiving who we are. LGBT people internally read and assess situations (usually without even thinking about it) to determine whether or not coming out to a new person is going to be a safe and positive experience.
I've had men in bars high-five me when I point out that I'm actually with the pretty girl. I've also had them stop in groups to openly stare at us if we kiss, have been grabbed without permission, and had threatening comments made against me.
An ex-girlfriend of mine came out to her colleagues. Shortly afterwards, one of them sexually harassed her at the Christmas party.
It's not always easy to predict how people will react. Occasionally, I choose to take the path of least resistance and don't disclose my sexuality purely to avoid that kind of scenario.
It's a testament to the progress we've made that our public personas don't all need to have an Ellen DeGeneres moment.
All the same, if Richardson was aware that a person whom he "loves", had made the decision not come out on television, he probably should've been more prudent in respecting that.
