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Author: Nighthawk

One time a while back I had one of them calls about a virus on my Windows machine... The delay was a good indicator that it was an overseas toll call... So that means they are paying the bill for the toll call. 

I had him on the line for over an hour and half... I played dumb made him explain everything over and over again... Then he said

Scammer: "now click on the start button..."

Me: "What start button? My computer is already running..."

Scammer: "On your screen on the bottom left corner, click that button with the windows logo."

Me: "The buttons on my screen are on the right?"

Scammer: "Ok then please click that button, do you see a menu?"

Me: "Now my monitor turned off and went dark..."

Me: "Did I break my computer?"



Scammer: "No you turned you monitor off... click it again to turn it on."

Me: "Oh hay wow I didn't know I could do that..."

Scammer: "Now on your screen can you see a Windows Logo button?"

Me: "A window what now?"

Scammer: "A button with the Windows logo?"

Me: "What type of window, is it round window, arch shapped window or rectangle shapped, maybe square?"

Scammer: "No, the logo of MicroSoft, it is called the Windows logo?"

Me: "Well I never, you learn something new everyday... what does it look like?"

Scammer: "Four squares..."

Me: "Didn't I ask you before if it was a square window, and you said no?"

Scammer: "Do you see the button with this logo?"

Me: "No, should I?"

Scammer: "Yes."

Me: "Why?"



Scammer: "Why what?"

Me: "Why should I see it?"

Scammer: "Because it is the menu button."

Me: "Oh why didn't you say that in the first place I have a menu button, it's in the bottom left-hand corner on screen. It's got an icon on it and everything... pretty cool huh."

Scammer: "Ok, click that."

Me: "Why?"

Scammer: "So we can get rid of the virus..."

Me: "I have a virus...?"

Scammer: "Yes, that's what this phone call is all about?"

Me: "Should I go to the doctors?"

Scammer: "No, We need to install anti virus?"

Me: "Are you sure I have a virus? I feel fine..."

Scammer: "Sir, you don't have a virus."


Nighthawk.NZ Studio setup

Interrupting... Me: "Whew that was lucky wasn't it?"

Scammer: "Sir, you don't have a virus your computer does?"

Me: "Did I give my computer the virus I just had?"

Scammer: "Sir you never had a virus, just your computer?"

Me: "oh, okay. Should I take my computer to the doctors then?"

Scammer: "Are you having me on?"

Me: "No, why would I do that, just asking if I should take my computer to the doctors, you said it had a virus?"

Scammer: "we can fix it"

Me: "Is my computer broken as well...?

Scammer: "What?"

Me: "In order for you to fix something it needs to be broken first, and my computer is not broken anywhere?"

Scammer: "We can fix the virus?"

Me: "Don't you treat a virus to cure it?"

Scammer: "Can you see the button?"

Me: "I can see lots of buttons, I have always wanted to push the big red one... but there is a note that says don't push... do you think I will get into trouble if I pushed it?"

Scammer: "Don't push that one"


The No button... If you push it it cycles through various versions of sayin "NO!"

Me "Okay... what one should I push then?"

Scammer: "the one with the logo on it, bottom left-hand corner"

Me: "Logo... you mean that windows thing logo"

Scammer: "Yes, click that."

Me: "Don't see that?"

Scammer: "You said before you had it?"

Me: "No, I said I had a menu button and it's in the bottom left hand corner on the screen and has an icon on it. But not that windows logo thing you have been blabbering on about for the last half an hour."

Scammer: ...

Me: "Hello... you still there..."

Scammer: ...

Me: "hmmmm maybe the virus is now on the phone...?"

New voice. Different person... oh getting serious now.

Scammer: "Sir, Do you have Windows?"

Me: "Yes my house has lots of windows, I can see my back yard and all?"

Scammer: "No sir on your computer?"

Me: "I have a window on the side of my computer, and I see inside it with all the wiz bang bits... so yes I have a window on my computer."


The window on my computer

Scammer: "So you need to click the button with the logo"

Me: "Do I, why?"

Scammer: "So we can clean your computer of the virus?"

Me: "My computer isn't that dirty, I mean has a little bit of dust, but it wouldn't cause a virus"

Scammer: "No I mean git rid you of your virus"

Me: "The other guy said I didn't have a virus? So I do have a virus...? wish you would make your mind up, So I better go to the doctor then?"

Scammer: "No sir, your computer has the virus?"

Me: "Really, how? me sneezing on it is not going to do anything to it, it is an inanimate object?

Scammer: "your computer has a virus and we need to get rid of it?

Me: "Get rid of my computer, I paid good money for it, will insurance cover the costs"

Scammer: "Sir follow my instructions..."

Me: "I suppose."

Scammer: "Click the button with the windows logo?"

Me: "Here we go again, I don't have that."

Scammer: "Does your computer have windows." 



Me: "You asked that before I said, it has a window and I can see all the wiz-bang bits inside my computer, I don't see any virus? Are you having me on?"

Scammer: "No we are deadly serious about this?"

Me: "Is this virus deadly? Could I die from this virus...?"

Scammer: "No you don't have a virus?"

Me: "You just said I do have a virus, which is it I do, or I don't it can't be both?"

Scammer: "Your computer has a virus."

Me: "Poor thing."

Me: "Is it going to die from this deadly virus?"

Scammer: "Sir we need to fix your computer?"

Me: "But it's not broken"

Scammer: "It has a virus?"

Me: "What does it look like I can see inside my computer through the window, I don't see a virus"

Me: "will it have the word virus written on it?"

Scammer: "No, can you push your start button"

Me: "Why my computer is already on?"

Scammer: "The one on your screen?"

Me: "But the screen is on as well? If push that button it will turn it off? And Don't I need it on to see the virus"

Scammer: "Now click Button with the windows logo?"

Me: "Look, see now I know you having me on, because I don't have that?"

Scammer: "Sir what version of Windows do you have?"

Me: "You tell me, you seem to know more about my computer than I do?"

Me: "How do I find out... no don't tell me, "first push the button with the windows logo" well that's a catch 22 isn't"

Scammer: "Sir what operating system do you have"

Me: "Oh I can answer that question, probably would have saved this whole conversation..."

Scammer: "Well?"

Me: "Well what?"

Scammer: "What operating system do you have?"

Me: "According to you, Windows?"

Scammer: "So you have Windows then?

Me: "yeah I have a few, my front door even has some?"

Scammer: "No I mean the computer? What operating system does it have?"

Me: "My computer has Windows?"

Scammer: "So we need to push the windows start button?"

Me: "Like I said before I don't have that?"

Scammer: "You just said you had Windows on your computer, did you not?"

Me: "Yes"



Scammer: "So on the bottom left hand corner the start button with the windows logo"

Me: "Nope, it's not it's not there?"

Scammer: ...

Me: "Mine has even been upgraded to Windows 10"

Scammer: "So what is at the bottom left corner?"

Me: "Menu button so I can see all my files and stuff"

Scammer: "Click that?"

Me: "But it doesn't have the Windows logo on it, is that caused by the virus?"

Scammer: "YES!"


Nighthawk.NZ main computer

By this time Dale getting bored, and had some work to do.

Me: "Oh really, wow that was lucky, I better go and check my computer then to see if it has the same thing"

Scammer: "So this isn't your computer?"

Me: "No?"

Scammer: "Why didn't you say so?"

Me: "You never asked?"

Me: "You asked if my computer has Windows, and it does, my computer is at home I actually have 3 or 4 computers, and laptop... I better check them all to see if the logo icon virus thingy has affected them as well?"

Scammer: "Sir, what operating system is running on the computer you are at now?"

Me: "What operating system?"

Scammer: "Yes!"

Me: "On this computer?"

Scammer: "yes"

Me: "Are you sure you want to know?"

Scammer: "Yes, what operating system?"

Me: "Well it is older version..."

Scammer: "Older version of what operating system?

Me: "Linux"

Click dial tone

Me: "hmmm he hung up how rude"


Nighthawk's Commodore 128D

One day I would love to do this again but use the Commodore 64 as the base argument for the scam the scammer 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Category: Retro Computing
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