Category : News
Author: Dan Satherley

Chris Hipkins, who has spent much of his time this year scolding Kiwis who spread misinformation about COVID-19, has spread a little of his own - showing off his sense of humour in a satirical fake news sketch. 

The Health Minister held a mock press conference for the final Newshub Nation broadcast of the year, aired on Saturday morning.

Standing at the same Beehive podium where he and Director-General of Health Ashley Bloomfield have during their 1pm COVID-19 briefings, the newly-crowned 'Minister for Party Planning' started out with a familiar phrase.

"Kia ora koutou, good morning. I'll update you with today's numbers and then I'll take some of your questions."

But it quickly became clear bad news wasn't on the agenda. 

Chris Hipkins - Minister for Party Planning.
Chris Hipkins - Minister for Party Planning. Photo credit: Newshub Nation

"I can confirm that there has been a second case of sparkling wine that has been opened, and we are working on it. We're contact tracing everybody who had contact with the first case - we're calling this the Bernadino-Spumante cluster," he told journalists from Newshub, Stuff and the New Zealand Herald.

"Today I'm also unveiling that the Christmas party alert level system will be put in place and will operate with effect from 9:30 to 10:30 this morning. There are four stages, and we are currently at alert level fun. There is a maximum of alert level floor."

The final episode of Newshub Nation each year is a Christmas-themed celebration of the year in politics, gathering politicians, media and others together for a few drinks. 

"We will only move up the alert levels if we find sustained inebriation in the community, or Kelvin Davis attempts a poem," said Hipkins, referring to the Deputy Prime Minister's infamous election-night balladry

"As Winston Peters is no longer attending, we're expecting the bar tab to last the full hour. We'll transition to a cash bar once the tab runs out - the only exception with this is David Seymour, who as per ACT Party policy, has been given a ministry-monitored card he can use to buy food but not alcohol."

Journalists grill Hipkins on the whereabouts of Ashley Bloomfield and Coke Zero.
Journalists grill Hipkins on the whereabouts of Ashley Bloomfield and Coke Zero. 

Hipkins asked the journalists if they had any questions.

"Are you expecting any new cases of pinot noir?" asked Newshub's Anna Bracewell-Worrall. 

"We are expecting several," said Hipkins. "They have been genome tested, and unfortunately I can say that none have originated from central Otago."

Asked where Dr Bloomfield was, the room groaned in disappointment when Hipkins said the popular official - who developed something of a cult following this year - was on a break. 

"Minister, why do I have to keep asking the same questions over and over?" asked the Herald's Jason Walls.

"I have no idea," said Hipkins.

"Why do I have to keep asking the same questions over and over," asked Stuff's Henry Cooke.

"I have no idea," said Hipkins.

"Why is it that I have to keep asking the same questions over and over again ?" asked Walls.

"Please stop," said Hipkins.

Anna Bracewell-Worrall and Jenna Lynch of Newshub.
Anna Bracewell-Worrall and Jenna Lynch of Newshub. Photo credit: Newshub Nation

Cooke then asked if Hipkins could tell people to "be a little bit nicer" to journalists on social media. 

"This is a Government that is relentlessly focused on the issues that matter to New Zealanders - that is not currently a part of our work programme," said Hipkins.

Telling the journalists they could go home at 'alert level floor - with KFC', Hipkins then left - leaving the massive bottle of Coke Zero on the podium left unopened, much to Walls' disappointment. 

To watch the report click here

Article: https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/politics/2020/12/minister-for-party-planning-chris-hipkins-takes-aim-at-david-seymour-kelvin-davis-in-hilarious-mock-press-conference.html
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